Not giving up the day job...
The Grasshopper has just finished the first draft of his new novel! Of course, it’ll never be published, because it’s w-a-a-y too far-fetched. Nonetheless, he thought he’d let you in on it…
The novel is set in the near-future, where an Evil Online Retailer colludes with an equally Evil Empire to sell all the evil empire’s cheap and nasty goods through the Evil Online Retailer’s website. With me so far? Good.
Then, at the behest of the Evil Online Retailer, the Evil Empire creates a new virus - which it’s done several times before and has gotten quite good at - and between them they bribe all the corrupt governments of the world to tell their people that the virus will kill everybody and the only thing for them to do is go home, never come back out and spend the rest of their days buying the Evil Empire’s cheap and nasty stuff through the Evil Retailer’s website.
In a cool twist (I thought so, anyway) the deals are done with the corrupt governments at regular jollies to exotic holiday destinations – fully-funded by taxpayers, of course – which are cleverly disguised as economic and environmental summits with obscure acronyms and numbers for names. Haven’t worked out the names of these, but could be something like ‘K13’ or ‘ROP94’ or something like that.
Anyway, that’s what happens. And the Evil Empire gets eviller and much richer from selling all its crap, even though the instructions on the box are totally unintelligible. Meanwhile, the owner of the Evil Online Retailer gets so rich he could solve world hunger at a stroke and still have money to pay off his money-grabbing ex-wife, but decides to build a toy rocket and dick about for 5 minutes in space instead…
…until one day a hitherto unknown novelist writes a story about it and the people say ‘Oh yeah, this is really happening’. So the people stop buying the Evil Empire’s cheap and nasty stuff through the Evil Online Retailer’s website, they round up and lock away all the corrupt government people and return to their peaceful lives full of sunshine, fresh air and low accumulation of total tat.
Of course, this could never happen. Now excuse me, I have to answer the door for my next Amazon delivery...